Because of my minister and testimony, I get a little more criticism than average. When you’re as grown as I am, being a virgin can shift real quickly from the, “That’s so awesome” pat on the back to “Why and how???” look of concern. It’s unfortunate really. We live in a climate that looks at everything through a skeptical lens. My journey would be no exception. I’ve been scrutinized and read wrong. I’ve even had some people, asking why I don’t blog as frequently as I once did…
In contrast to when I first begin, it would appear as though I’ve been silent. I would post a blog here and there, but aside from that, I’ve been relatively quiet as it pertained to all things purity. It’s been interesting. I would get calls from singles ministry counterparts, wondering where I was. And I get it. The funny thing was I didn’t even have one solid answer to give at the time. There was nothing necessarily wrong. I just knew something had to change. In hindsight, I just was tired. And yeah, I’m well versed in the word. Yet, I’m still human just like you too. Along this journey there were times when I didn’t understand what God was doing. There were times when I saw exactly what God was doing. There were times where I wished I could just hurry through this chapter in my story. Real talk, no one tells you all that comes with waiting.
On one hand you’re sharing your testimony with a world that is so sexually desensitized virginity is looked at as some afar off unicorn, strictly exclusive to those deemed “undesirable,” socially awkward or extremely ridged. On the other hand you have SOME “church folk” who look at virginity with the same dose of skepticism, assuming virgins are either all of the above or operating in false sense of perfection –whatever that means.
Add the above to the fact that I was constantly being inundated with the myopic sounds of legalistic “advice,” shared from the cup of a bitter heart. I was tired of hearing it all. I didn’t want to hear it…or be it…
Now, hear my heart, I know a LOT of amazing people who share in accuracy and truth. Yet, those voices don’t always seem to be as readily championed as those who preach hurt, vengeance and pain. It’s interesting. Nevertheless, I wanted to be the change. I didn’t want to speak without revelation. I wanted to understand sexuality in a way that I hadn’t previously thought about. I wanted to minister to people from a place of grace, compassion and the truth of God’s word. I wanted to reach people who didn’t necessarily share my testimony but could still relate to my story.
I began the journey of writing one of the most important books I’ve ever penned earlier this year. “The Pleasure Principle: The Naked Truth about Holding Out –When You Want to Get It In!” is a book that shares the relevance of God’s word coupled with the truth of my testimony. And no, it’s not an autobiography, lol! Y’all would be bored if I ever decided to write a book about my life. Nevertheless, I digress. In writing this book, my heart’s desire was to give all of those attempting to live a chaste life, a look into the realities of purity. I wanted to show people that it’s not some afar off impossibility, but rather a very doable reality for those willing to stay committed to God’s process.
Throughout my journey I’ve discovered “we’re” a society so focused on making sure we don’t do the “big sin” that we assume everyone who hasn’t is “perfect.” But I’m not. Yeah so, I’ve never been a lesbian. I’ve never performed oral sex or even had actual sex for that matter. Does that make me perfect as it pertains to sex, courting and all things relational? Not at all. From grinding, to partial nudity, to heavy petting, I’ve experienced it. And just because that’s not my present everyday reality doesn’t mean I’m perfect. It simply means God is a keeper, in spite of me not having always wanted to be kept…that’s why “The Pleasure Principle” is so important…
It speaks to the everyday person. To the one that wants to walk in purity, but is unsure or even intimidated by the road ahead of them. And at the end of the day, if I walking in courage and transparency helps at least one person…well, then it will have more than been worth it.
So, that’s it. I’m excited about sharing my book and testimony with you all. As always feel free to email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and I’ll answer them as quickly as I can. Lastly, thank you to all those who’ve been riding out this journey with me for all of these years. Your encouragement, love and support mean more than I can express. My prayer has always been and remains to be that my life would not be a reflection of my own doing, but that it would speak to the power of God and His ability to keep anyone. He’s done it for me; I know He’ll do it for you!
Your wait is just about over
Nikki Washington, Living
The Chaste Life